If you aren’t wearing deodorant, you are definitely missing out on something. I know what you’re probably thinking: “I’ve never even heard of this product. What is it?” Invented in 1888, deodorant is a product you apply underneath your armpits so you don’t smell like a spoiled onion. It’s available in major retailers and online, but recently has fallen out of popularity with the general population.
While it’s not entirely clear why deodorant’s popularity has waned, wild and unfounded speculation points to the trend of people’s general grossness increasing. When left unchecked, human grossness metastasizes and spreads, according to nonexistent studies. Look around you and you will see countless examples and nod your head approvingly at this truth.
Today, millions of people, mostly from Gen Z and mostly Gen Z gym-goers who have broccoli-haircuts, have decided to forgo the tradition of using deodorant and decided to smell like wet socks. However, anyone whose opinion matters hates these people with unquenchable passion. My nose has been assaulted by their stinkyness. That is why deodorant is officially being proclaimed “The New Cool Thing That Everyone’s Doing”, because if this does not change, I will lose my mind and starting chucking rank dudes right out of the gym , vigilante style.